Ask Pam: Spicing Up a Long Term Relationship

We have started a new segment called Ask Pam. This is where you can email me and ask me questions. Crazy right?! Often your questions are about sex toys, best lubricants or maybe sex positions…after so many years in my field, I have a fair amount of experience and opinions to share. One questions that you often ask is how do I spice up a long term relationship? You can definitely add a new dimension by trying sex toys for couples for example, but today we’re going to explore some different ways to improve your long term relationship.

Plan a Date Night

It may seem tedious, but planning is a good thing when it comes to your relationship. Plan a date night, take turns. It doesn’t have to be incredibly elaborate, just thoughtful. Take turns, so each of you feel involved and no resentment. This is supposed to be a positive event in your life; you don’t want your partner to feel burdened with planning something every time. Your date night could be every week or even once a month, whatever works for you. You just need to keep the passion active. When you go out on your date, it could be a dinner, picnic, a long walk or a movie. Doesn’t matter just do it together. Be focused on each other. Ask questions. Don’t discuss your “regular”life. Hold hands. Look into each other’s eyes. Simply be present each and every date night. You will build or rebuild intimacy together.

Double Date

Once you’ve tried a few date nights and they are going well, consider a double date. You likely did quite a few in your early days of dating. It was a way to get to know your partner’s friends. So why not revisit it? As the years have gone by, you may have made some new friends, so introduce each other. Old friendships can also fall into the same tired relationship ruts, so sometimes we need to refresh our friendships. Doing this together can be beneficial to all your relationships.

Instead of going out, why not host a dinner party? Keep it small, maybe just 1 or 2 couples and it doesn’t have to be couples. Bring together 6 people that may or may not know each other. I like to bring people together that may be in each other’s outer circles, but they haven’t had the time to connect. It is an opportunity to tell a few stories, hear some new ones and start some great conversations. While you are planning your dinner party, make sure you are planning and cooking together with your partner. Remember not to stress. This is going to be fun, right? Your goal is to build intimacy and spice up your relationship, so don’t stress if your Coq au Vin doesn’t look like the Pinterest one. It doesn’t matter, just have fun.

Take some Me Time

Most importantly don’t loose yourself. Take some “me”time, just for you.  Encourage your partner to do the same. When you have expanded your world and interests; you have something to discuss and share with each other. This could be a one time event, a class, or volunteering whatever makes you happy. Make this a priority. It is so easy to put yourself on the bottom of your list, but make a commitment to yourself to keep this plan just as much as if you were going out with a friend. Sometimes you have to come first. You and your relationship will benefit.


For more Ask Pam, Check out our YouTube channel. You’ll find short video product reviews and many more Ask Pam videos.

Recommended Posts
  • Discover: The Top Sex Toys for 2021


    Discover: The Top Sex Toys for 2021
    The kink scene is more popular than ever, and the options out there are endless. No matter what your gender, age, or sexual identity, in 2021, the sex toy industry is booming, and everyone’s looking for a little bit of fun to distract us from those COVID blues.  Whether you’re single and looking for a […]
  • Time to Focus on Making Memories


    Time to Focus on Making Memories
    Time to Celebrate! It’s time to celebrate! Things have opened up, and we’re slowly coming out of our homes and getting back to normal. But, are we? I don’t know about you, but some of our default “going out” plans have sort of slipped away, and the idea of “date night” seems to lack the […]
  • Top 3 things you can do every day to bring the heat to your relationship


    Top 3 things you can do every day to bring the heat to your relationship
    Now that restrictions are lessening and life begins to look a little more normal, it’s time to check in with your partner. Have you been dating? Have you tried new things together? This month, we’re going to give tips on how to reconnect and spice up your long-term relationship to keep the magic going or […]

Leave a Comment

Free shipping on orders over $50

Signup for our newsletter to get